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You know you're a doula when...
(Author
Unknown)
You have more
pictures and videos containing naked women in your home than the porno shop
downtown.
Discussing ANY subject, you can draw a birth parallel. In one late night email
encouragement to a friend's 17-year-old son who is starting a homeschool choir.
I likened him to a doula, helping to birth this new choir, handling all the
labor pains, etc. It WAS 4am after all... and I DID have to do some further
explaining in the morning.
You pack and repack your birth bag 3 times, check the on off switch on
your pager/cell phone 5 times and go to bed with your clothes on... on a hunch...
and you get called three hours later.
Your client snaps at you and you think: "Oh good, she's not smiling anymore!"
When your spouse knows to ask three questions: Are you in labor? If no, Is this
an emergency? Would you like her to call you back later or do you want her cell
phone number?
You hubby asked was it a girl or a boy and rolls over and goes back to sleep.
Your husband can list off 3 risks of an epidural.... 3 ways to avoid an episiotomy
or tear...etc. It's a game we play...and darned if he doesn't know the answer
90% of the time.
You tell the dad, "Go ahead, touch your baby, it ok" (cause every one else is
too busy to notice he is aching to do so).
The guy at the photo shop passes out while developing your film.
Although you do poorly in math, you can instantly calculate how much more weight
the birth ball can hold.
Your client is nearing her due date and you become fascinated by what she sees
when she wipes and how soft her bowel movements are.
Your teenagers answer the phone and start by saying "how far apart are the contractions?"
You check out Stephanie's birth diaries site, you only look at the "very graphic"
ones.
Or you RUN a site like Stephanie's birth story diaries site.
You realize you're breathing in patterns as you fall asleep.
Or... you sleep, you're usually dreaming about birth.
You see a metal mixing bowl in a store and think "placenta".
Or...you see a metal mixing bowl and think "vomit".
You know you're a doula when......your hubby is on his way out to get some movies
& your thinking "see if you can find any good birth videos"
You know you are a doula when you praise a woman for a "winking anus" and poop
while pushing!
You know you are a doula when while everyone else in the room is yelling and
counting, "hold you breath, chin down, no noise, 1, 2, 3, pushhhhhhhhh harder
harder." You are the only one in the room whispering in the moms ear "listen
to your body, you are doing such a great job, look down, push your baby out,
just like that, You are sooooooooo awesome!"
You're so exhausted you could weep, you haven't had a wee for 9 hours even though
your bladder's bursting, you've just wiped poo from someone's backside, you
have flecks of blood and vomit on your shoes, but there is still no place in
the world you'd rather be.
Your flower garden is the best in the neighborhood because the fertilizer you
use is your client's placentas!